


Why Makeout With Yourself When You Can Be The Parent You Never Had?

by orphan_account



Series: Adventures in Davey Vantas [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adopted Children, Childhood, Children, Davey Vantas, Davey definelty has a favorite dad, Davey is literally eight year old Dave if he was taken out of an abusive environment, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Parenthood, help im getting lost in the tags, just tellin it how it is folks, karkat best fucking daddy, or would it be Davey Strider-Vantas, shit the tags are out of order
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24534520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dave and Karkat 'adopt' a tiny Dave.A.K.A Dave kidnaps a tiny Dave
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Series: Adventures in Davey Vantas [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1881376
Comments: 10
Kudos: 91





	1. Little Wriggler

This was fine, staying at Karkat and Kankri's house on Earth C. Laying in Karkat's lap as he read a book in bed, a hand tangled in Dave's hair who was strewn across his lap. But it wasn't going to stay this way today- no. Dave  _ had  _ to interrupt the peaceful moment with a stupid question.

"Is making out with yourself really as hot as people think it could be?"

This dumbass statement led to Karkat putting a bookmark to hold his place in the teen romance novel, close it, and smack Dave with the book.

"Ow. I was just wondering because I could technically go through time and just- pick a Dave to get my mack on with."

"Dave." Karkat started out firm but gentle. "You are a dumbass and should not be allowed to have a brain." The novel was lightly set on the bedside table and the hand previously holding it landed in Dave's hair as well.

"I'm just thinking out loud Karky… What if I go find a Dave right now?" He sat up from Karkat's lap and flipped around to face him. "Just go pick a random one, bring them here, and kiss them."

"Go ahead. Kankri will be here in a few though, so don't get too wild with yourself." Karkat rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"I make no promises-" 

It would only seem like a fraction of a second from Karkat's point of view, but to Dave it would take awhile.

He hopped from timeline to timeline, looking for the Dave that would be 'the one' when he saw himself (no duh). 

His younger self. 

He only looked about six or seven and something was clearly wrong. Unlike all the other doomed Dave's this one was going to die within the next few minutes.

The younger Dave, still sporting a pair of shades that looked like Bro's instead of the rounder shades John had gotten him (no duh, he hadn't met John yet at age seven), had a hand on the fridge handle.

It was clear how this Dave was going to die. Get stuck under a pile of swords and possibly stabbed to death by them. Normally, Dave would let it happen. But, there was something about how this Dave was just much younger than usual-

Next thing he knew he had stepped in and yanked the child away just in time for the swords to fall into a pile just a few inches from the younger Dave's feet.

"Holy crap-" The child flailed about to see what had moved him, so Dave let go. The younger Dave turned around quickly. "Woah… Who are you?"

"I'm you from the future." What a fucking cliche line.

"Woah- really?!" And younger Dave was now really excited and amazed. Oh what joy to see those emotions on a Dave that were so genuine.

"Yep," He pushed his shades into his hair. "Come with me if you want to live." A hand outstretched towards the tiny Dave. (Two cliche lines within seconds of each other, today's a good day.)

"Why?" The younger Dave asked, though he did take the offered hand.

"Because it's not safe for you here anymore, you were supposed to die just now." No sense in sugarcoating it.

"And what will happen since I didn't?" He was surprisingly less startled then he should've been.

"Don't worry about it." He dragged the younger Dave out of the timeline and pushed them both through back to where Dave originally was.

"Dave. What the fuck is that." Despite his words, Karkat's eyes were soft.

"It's uhh- mini me?" Karkat uncrossed his arms and patted his lap so Dave walked closer and put the younger version- this wasn't going to work for him anymore. He put Davey in Karkat's lap to watch the troll pet at his hair like he would with Dave's.

"I thought you were going to find a Dave to makeout with-"

"Change of plans Karkles."

"-not find a pet human wriggler. Dave, look at how small he is." Dave was looking, he'd been looking the entire time. Dave wasn't freakishly tall but he was taller than average and Davey just barely reached his hips.

Davey was the perfect size to fit in Karkat's lap and the sight was just- 

"Can we keep him?" Dave blurted out.

"Yeah okay." Wait what-?

"Karkat what do you mean?"

"I mean- look at him! He's adorable! How old are you little guy?" Karkat was cooing at the tiny Dave.

Davey started counting on his fingers "Seven."

"Wait- how much is that in sweeps?"

Dave internally did the calculations. "About three and a half."

"He's so young… And, it's not like he could really live anywhere else so… Yes, we can keep him, Dave." Karkat ruffled the younger-

"Davey-" His mouth could just not stay shut. "Let's call you Davey little dude to not cause confusion." He also put a hand in Davey's hair.

"Well, okay!"

"Welcome to the Vantas family."

"But Kitkat, he's a Stri-"

"I don't care. He's my son now." Karkat wrapped his arms around the tiny Dave in a hug from behind and Davey preened.

"Does that mean you guys are like- my dads now?" The little guy got a bit hopeful.

Holy shit- Holy fuck- 

"Yes. Call me your human lusus."

"What's a lusus?"

"The troll version of a parent."

"What's a troll?"

"Listen sh-crap head… I'm a troll, I come from a planet called Alternia."

"What's Alternia?"

"Davey-"

Dave loved this kid already, even if it was really just himself but younger.


	2. Auntie Kan Kan and Uncle Bee Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davey goes to meet Kanaya and Sollux, though he really does his own thing both times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me awhile but i was d e t e r m i n e d to get this done today since I published my side story of Davey being older and big sad. There's a lot of shit about that story that is parallel to schtuff I haven't published yet in this one. So, do y'all want me to update both at a time or just focus on this one until it's finished? If no one comments then I'll work on both but publish this one more often.

It was nice sitting on Karkat's bed, the same way as before, except now there was a child on Karkat's lap reading the romance novel with him. They went over words and Alternian phrases. Asking what a load gaper was and getting told it was a toilet seemed to be the funniest thing ever to the kid. Kankri was coming home soon, the front door closing a dead giveaway of that fact. "Shoot that's Kankri- do we hide him or leave him out for Kankri to see?" Dave spoke as Karkat closed the book, setting it aside after marking his page again. 

Hugging the content child in his lap, he stared right at Dave with an expression that told Dave ' _ you are a dumbass in every fucking way'. _ "Fu- Frick if I know!"

"Why do you keep censoring yourself?" He laid down in a specific way one could only refer to as a pose a teenage popular girl would assume when gossiping to her friends on the phone.

"Because he doesn't need to know curse words, and you've been doing it too." 

The child was basically being ignored at this point, which made his lips form a pout. "What's a curse word?"

"Don't worry about it buddy." Dave reached over and ruffled the kid's hair.

They didn't get much more time to talk though. "Karkat, Dave-" Kankri had burst into the room. "-Are you two presentab-" He caught sight of the baby Vantas in between the two.

"Hi!" Davey waved at Kankri excitedly. Finally, maybe he'd get some more gosh darn attention!

"Hello? Karkat, what is that?" Kankri was considerably less confused than he probably should have been.

"It's my human wriggler, Kankri. Little Davey Vantas." He hugged the kid tightly from behind.

Kankri's composure slipped for a second and confusion was finally showing."Why is it-" 

"Do you have any apple juice?" Davey interrupts. He’s so cute though, how could anyone possibly get mad at that.

Kankri's train of thought broke at the question. "Yes we do, do you want any?" 

"Please!" Kankri then left the room to go grab Davey a juice box. Dave and Karkat were giving eachother a look. A look that said 'we just got away with that', and they really did. They really did just get away with whatever that was. "Who was that?" This kid knows nothing about stranger danger, Dave checked that off as something to work on later.

"That was my… Older brother?" Karkat wasn’t sure exactly what term to use. Kankri was his dancestor of course but that’s not really a familial term.

"I have an older brother!" That reminded Dave of the shades still present on Davey's face. He snatched them off and previously happy red eyes went wide with surprise. "Hey!" Dave held his hands above his head and out of Davey's reach to snap the shades in half. "Wh-..." The little guy started to tear up and sniffled. 

Oh the great emotional vulnerability of a very young Dave. Being able to cry without any worries. "Dave! What the frick were you thinking!?" Karkat looked down at Davey's face and papped his cheeks. "You're gonna make him cry-"

"These shades were from Bro, they could have a camera or something in them." Dave tried to reason. Sure that never really happened, but it could happen. A whole number of things could have been different in that timeline.

"Oh…" Karkat stopped papping the tiny child's cheeks and just reached down to hold his tiny hands.

Eventually, Kankri came back with a juice box which led to Dave popping the straw in it and handing it to Davey. The little guy mumbled something about how he could 'do it himself', but all protests were gone once he took a sip and started happily squealing. "I was trying to get apple juice before you came and grabbed me from the swords." He stared at Dave with those uncovered red eyes, and took another sip. Instead of unsettling, the eyes were cute on Davey. Karkat was just completely confused by what that meant which had him staring at Dave with a questioning look. 

"I'll tell you later Kitkat." He set a hand in the child's hair and ruffled it a bit, which was going to be his new favorite thing. This kid was so small, how could anyone ever hurt him? Dave reminded himself to head back to that timeline and try to give that Bro an ass whooping. 

\---

People needed to know about this child. Right away. “Alright kiddo, you ready to go meet Kanaya?”   
  
“Mhm!” Davey had on one of Karkat’s sweaters that had been too small and Dave was doing his best not to verbally 'aww'. It was the cutest little thing since the sweater was a little big on the child. Dave lifted up the child into his arms and it smiled at him. God damnit, he was such a cute kid. "We're gonna go see her, is daddy coming too?"

...Daddy?- "Do you mean Karkat?"

"Mhm!" Davey kicked his feet a bit.

"Of course I'm comin, baby." Apparently these two had talked among each other and gotten adoring titles. 

"Who am I?" Dave directed the question to the young boy.

Davey answered honestly. "Dad." 

Dave smiled at that, he was Davey’s dad… adorable! "Who's that?" He then pointed to Karkat.

"That's daddy- are you okay? You seem confused. " Davey looked up to Dave's face.

"Yeah, I'm good kiddo." He set Davey down who immediately walked over to Karkat- tripping over nothing on his way. "Shit- you okay?"

"I'm good, promise." 

Karkat scooped him off the floor and into his arms. "Be careful, baby."

"I will." Davey latched onto him, arms around his neck and head laying on his shoulder.

"You two are fucking adorable." Karkat just stuck his tongue out at Dave and flipped him off, Davey copying the gestures. That made Dave let out a laugh, too fucking cute. He held Karkat's empty hand and together they walked down the sidewalk and to Kanaya's nearby house.

She had answered the door with a smile, letting them all in. Dave decided to stay and chat with Kanaya while Karkat followed the child who immediately walked off to explore. He looked at a few rooms before coming across one that had fabric  _ everywhere.  _ The kid decided his first course of action would be to look at what was on a table that seemed to have finished products.

"Daddy- look." It was a sweater that looked exactly like Karkat's except instead of his cancer sign it had the record on Dave's trademark shirt. Davey wasted no time in putting it on, it being just a little too big. The sleeves just barely covered his hands.

"Awww…" Karkat crooned. "You're adorable baby." In response to the parental doting, Davey jumped into one of Kanaya's many piles of fabric. "Pfft- Davey?" A little hand peaked out of the fabric pile. Karkat turned his head to shout into the other room. "Dave, come see this."

It didn't take long before he walked in, Kanaya in tow. "Davey?" The hand went away and was replaced with a small head with messed up hair. "Oh my god, buddy c'mere." The child jumped out of the pile and walked up to Dave who proceeded to fix his hair.

"I see he has found my birthday present to Karkat." Kanaya was smiling, seeming to try to stifle a laugh at the child's antics. "If he likes it he can keep it."

The young blonde gasped. "Thank you Auntie Kan Kan!" He then hugged her waist, Kanaya reaching a hand down to pat him on the head.

Gogdamn… Why hadn't Dave tried to be a parent sooner.

  
  


…

_ Everyone _ had to know about him

Everyone included Sollux.

A few days after the visit with Kanaya, Sollux had caught wind of the kiddo and demanded he see his nephew. 

Currently, Davey was in the backyard with a small foam sword, battling his dad. "You'll never take me alive!" His tiny voice had shouted.

"Then I guess I'll take you dead-" Dave flicked his wrist just so, knocking Davey's sword out of his hand. He then threw his sword next to the kid's and picked him up.

"Ack!- no!!!" The child started kicking his feet in the air but it was useless, he was getting love and affection whether he wanted it or not.

"I'm going to hold you, and cherish you forever." He planted a small kiss on Davey's cheek.

"Daddy- Dad is trying to love me."

Karkat wasn't paying attention, sitting on the back porch with a new book. "That's nice baby."

Davey took a deep breath. "Ow!" He wasn't even hurt but Karkat shot up from his seat, bowl of Cheezits nearly knocked over. 

"What's wrong baby? Are you hurt?"

"...No. I just wanted your attention." Karkat sighed in relief and planted a smooch on Davey's other cheek.

"Scared the hell out of me. Also, we have to go over to Sollux's today." 

Dave groaned. Bitch, he did  _ not  _ want to see Sollux. Not one fucking bit. "Can I not go please..?"

"Dave."

"I'm not feeling the best." It wasn't a lie, he woke up feeling a bit sick but Davey insisted they sword fight. Karkat crossed his arms and glared. 

"You're gonna make me go to Sollux's with a child?" Dave nodded at his words. "Damnit… Fine, go lay down." Dave smiled and let the kiddo go, who proceeded to run around the back yard- then trip and fall into a patch of dandelions, which made him sneeze. Dave just laughed and left to go nap in Karkat's bed. "Kiddo?" The troll helped the child up and out of the grass. He shook himself off, patting down the sweater he snatched from his Aunt to get grass off of it.

"I'm okay."

"You better be. You get hurt and I'll have to wrap you in bubble wrap." Karkat picked him up, carrying him on his left hip, right arm free to do whatever. In this case, the troll's right hand picked up the book and bowl- he then took the child and items inside. "Don't disturb Dave, but go get your backpack." The kid nodded and climbed up the stairs, sneaking into the room where his dad had somehow already fallen asleep. He crossed the room to where his little backpack with the usual record sewn on it, a gift from Rose, was sitting on a beanbag chair. He was about to turn to leave when something caught his eye. 

The closet was open and a soft red  _ something  _ was peeking out. Davey crouched down onto his hands and knees, shifted the closet door open a bit more, and pulled the thing out. It was an adorable crab plush, maybe pillow. Davey was amazed by the thing, turning it around in his hands and making the little claws pinch the air.

He let out a quiet giggle and put the crab in his bag. He then closed the closet and ran out of the room- not before tucking in his dad though. He ran past Karkat to go back out to the backyard and grab his foam sword, putting that in his bag as well.

"Apple juice for the road?" One of the things Kankri got at the supermarket recently was a whole case of apple juice. 

"Yes please-" The kid held open his backpack and Karkat dropped the carton into it, helping Davey put it on and zip it up. He gave Davey a pat on the head and then grabbed his hand, leading the kid out and to Sollux's place.

Sollux had immediately let them in, and Davey was drawn to the bees. The mother fucking  _ bees.  _ The little purple guys gathered him, waiting for  _ something. _ Davey decided to show the bees all of his treasures. He slipped down to the ground in front of the computer tower hive and pulled off his backpack.

"You see this?" He pulled the crab out of his bag, showing the purple bees. "I've named him Sir Reginald Arkingbok Crabsman the Third." He set the crab in his lap and the bees flocked to it. They gave the plush little bee kisses and did the same to Davey's cheeks.

"Swear to god Karkat, I'm gonna steal your child."

"You will do no such thing." 

The kid continued to show off his stuff to the bees. A book he stole from his daddy- which was then confiscated quickly as it was not safe for kids. His sweater that his Aunt made him, it got a lot of bee kisses. Then, the foam sword his dad bought in the supermarket toy aisle. The last item was a carton of apple juice, which he showed the bees how to open. It was delicious.

His daddy was droning on and on with his Uncle. Hmmm… His brain thought for a minute. This guy owned bees, so he must be the bee man. "Uncle Bee Man, can these guys have apple juice?"

Sollux chuckled at the nickname. "Yes, they can." Davey squeezed box to squirt some AJ out and onto a little dish divot in the hive tower. The bees immediately went to drink the sweet nectar.

Uncle Bee Man was fucking awesome, so was Auntie Kan


End file.
